47. Have to be Strong. By Randy Alexander

47. Have to be Strong. By Randy Alexander

One day I saw this sticker in a WeChat group and it made me realize that this is what China is all about and that it’s why I’ve been attracted to China in the first place. In my life it has become my personal philosophy and I express it in many ways.

People in China know me as 刘蓝地, but my name in my native English is Randy Alexander. I am a conductor and composer from the American midwest city of Cincinnati, Ohio. Growing up I didn’t have much exposure to Chinese things; my biggest impression of China was from a 1970’s TV show called Kung Fu. The main character was a half-Chinese Shaolin monk who wandered around the American old west. He was quiet, calm, and intelligent – a wonderful role model. It wasn’t until I attended an arts high school that I actually met Chinese people. Later I became good friends with some while studying at conservatory (1985-1989). But the real China was still a mystery to me.

In 1993, when I was in grad school my father called me and said he was invited to give medical lectures in China and had an extra ticket. I had no idea what was in store, but whatever it was it was sure to be interesting! China at that time was far behind the US technologically, so it was like a trip back in time, but the people (and the food!) were amazing. That two-week trip planted a strong seed in my heart.

In 1999 I got married to a Chinese woman and had my first kid while working on Wall Street. Things were going well until 9/11.

I was lucky not to be at work that day. And there was no full time work there after that at all. Being unemployed I spent more time doing things I love doing: raising my son, writing music, and studying languages. Since I had married a native Chinese speaker, I started seriously studying Chinese. But since there wasn’t much income, I suggested moving to China where the economy is on the rise.

We moved to her icy hometown, Jilin, had another son, and opened an English training school. There wasn’t much going on there culturally so somehow I got interested in the local history, which involved studying the Manchu language. Here is a Manchu 对联 I wrote:

hafirahvn erin mangga niyalma be yabumbi. (Hard times make strong people.)
mangga niyalma elgiyen erin be yabumbi. (Strong people make good times.)

But Jilin is pretty far away from the capital, so sometimes people can go astray morally. One morning I was on my way to work and my already cramped parking lot was filled with a large group of shady-looking men getting ready to go to a wedding. They made it very difficult for me to slowly get my car out and then one of them apparently thought it was funny to open his door just at the moment I was backing out, and I very lightly touched it, doing absolutely no damage. Then they all started picking a fight and I found myself against eleven people. The good thing is that the police dealt with it well and put three of them in jail.

After eight years of harsh Jilin I moved to Xiamen to get away from the cold and focus on raising my two boys. My wife and I decided to separate (things weren’t going so well anyway) and she stayed in Jilin for a year and then moved to New York.

It was the best time of my life, my boys and I studied together, ate together, and hiked all over. I taught them to be frugal and inquisitive, and any question they had about anything I either answered directly or researched. It was a paradise.

After three years my wife decided suddenly to visit us. She said that she wanted to get back together. At that time my visa was about to expire, which required me to make a trip to Changchun where her hukou is. With all the correct documents I expected I could get the visa renewed by myself, so I went there alone, but just in case they needed to come later, I gave her the boys’ passports. I got there and called them frequently, but on the third day all their phones were off. I couldn’t reach them all day and couldn’t imagine what happened. Did they go on a day trip and somehow got in an accident? I was panic-stricken.

Three days later I got a message from my wife saying that she thought that the kids should grow up in the US and so she took them there. It turned out that she told them that my visa was denied and that I was deported to New York!

I didn’t know what I should do; my life was swept out from under me. My kids were my purpose. I decided the only thing I could do was to go to New York and find them and try to reason with the unreasonable. I reminded her that she said she wanted to be together. She said she wouldn’t go back to China but that we could live anywhere in the US. My mother had just gotten married and had an empty house that we could live in, so we moved there. After ten months of the kids begging her to go back to China, she eventually gave in and we moved back to Xiamen. Two years later she moved out and we divorced amicably. I continued to raise the boys. She stayed in Xiamen (after all it’s the best city in China!) and sees the boys about once a week. I will be married again soon.

Now that my sons are grown up I have been focusing on my specialty (music), and studying languages a lot. Recently I’ve been studying Literary Chinese (文言文) and Manchu. A couple days ago I celebrated my 20-year anniversary in China! Life is indeed beautiful, but you have to keep yourself strong!

困苦使勇士，勇士使盛世

 

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